What Do You Mean Neither?
by Kouryou Sanomi
Summary: Harry has an important cough sureitis cough question to ask Snape. How long will Snape hold out? [complete] [warning: Slash!]


Author's Note: This fic may seem familiar to you... because it is... It was originally going to be first in a line of funny stories pairing characters that you reviewers vote for. But seemed to think it violated the rules... A list or announcement? rolls eyes Hardly. Whatever. But I've decided not to continue it, as I really wouldn't have that much time. sigh High School sucks.

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Severus Snape/ Harry Potter 

Warnings: Slash.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter owned by J.K. Rowling.

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**What Do You Mean Neither?**

_bySanomi_

* * *

"Hello, Severus!"

_Blast_ that Potter. Who does he think he is? Just because he's now firmly entrenched at Hogwarts, he thinks it gives him the right to treat everyone like old pals. Even his slimy old potions professor. Merlin's balls, why can't he leave me in peace?

I sneer at him.

"Why not? We're colleagues now."

And blast that alluring grin.

Damn it all to Hades and back, _why_ did Dumbledore have to give Potter the DADA job? "Just because you've somehow managed to become a professor, doesn't give you the right to trespass on my privacy," I snarl at him.

Only a few years previous, that would have sent him scampering off, muttering angrily under his breath. But now he just he ignores my cold stare and sips his butterbeer. Why is he sitting here? There are plenty of other tables at The Three Broomsticks, and plenty of people who would _love_ to have the famous Harry Potter sitting with them.

Though if one had to have to have such annoying company, at least he was easy on the eyes.

Oops.

"So... can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," I reply grumpily. Note to self: do not order another drink or will soon become drunk enough to reveal desire to bend Potter over the table and shag him senseless.

Hm. Currently realizing I must be well on way to drunkenness as have never admitted that to myself before. Bloody hell.

He grins cheekily again.

Urk! Stupid urge to shag him. Must... resist...

"Boxers or briefs?"

I think my mind completely stops working for a moment. "What?"

"Boxers or briefs, professor! Which do you prefer?" Those gorgeous green eyes twinkle at me--Ack! NO! Must suppress all attraction...

"I hardly think that's your business, Potter." I get up and stalk out before I loose all control.

* * *

What the sodding hell is he up to? Can I go _nowhere_ without his presence? First at breakfast he mouths 'boxers or briefs' at me, and again at lunch!

My students must think me crazy for that temper tantrum I pulled when an owl swooped in with a letter that had The Question on it.

Well, that wouldn't be anything new. But still.

How long will I last? Why is he tormenting me so?

Is this in revenge for how I treated him when he was one of my pupils? But I _had _to do it! I had a cover to maintain! I even apologized when the war was over!

Merlin, why me?

* * *

The stress in nearly driving me crazy. I just... I give up. Next time he asks, I'll bloody well _show_ him the answer.

Muahahahahahahahahah.

Er. Perhaps I've spent too much time with the Dark Lord.

* * *

I am at my desk, correcting papers. _He_ walks in without knocking. I know he is wearing that cocky grin. We shall see how long that lasts.

"Boxers or briefs?"

I remain quiet. This disconcerts him. I suppose he was expecting more of a reaction.

I pull out my wand (not that one!) and spell the door locked. Then I open a secret door, which is the only entrance to my chambers, and walk through without glancing back to see if he is following me.

But I know he is.

We are in my bedroom. I cast a locking charm and a silencing charm on the room. Then I give him my answer.

"What do you mean, neither?"

I pounce on him.

* * *

"Well. That was something."

I smirk. "Yes, it was."

"I guess I got my answer, then."

"I guess you did."

He grins, "Who'd've thought the mysterious potions master goes around starkers under his robes!" and snickers a bit.

"You asked for it."

"Yeah, I did. But what took you so long?" He snuggles his naked body closer to mine.

I wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss on that amazing lightning shaped scar that blocked the view for many of the amazing boy--man-- beneath it. "I have no idea."

"Mm. Can I call you Severus without you glaring at me now?"

"If you insist."

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Re-edited March 2007


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